


Love wasn't meant to be easy

by enigmaticma



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Broken Dotae, Broken Engagement, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Johnny being the best bestie, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, heartbroken Doyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticma/pseuds/enigmaticma
Summary: Doyoung was facing a cancelled wedding two weeks prior to the said wedding because Taeyong, the man he spent years loving with all his might, decided they weren't ready for it. Johnny, being the supportive best friend, helped Doyong cancel everything and even joined him for a two weeks long guided trip to Taiwan.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60
Collections: johndofest - round one





	Love wasn't meant to be easy

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry if The Taiwanese spot's description is inaccurate. The websites I visited didn't provide visual guides for me to describe from so I winged it. I am sorry to any Taiwanese reader for any misinformation. The descriptions are not 100% accurate.

When Doyoung faced Taeyong that night, looking at Taeyong’s packed bags, he didn’t expect his fiancé to say: “Let’s stop the wedding.” 

He was so shocked that he didn’t argue. He didn’t even ask why Taeyong wanted to leave. He could feel his world shatter as Taeyong held his hands since Doyoung didn’t say much.

“I am doing it for your good, Doyoung,” Taeyong said, his eyes filled with tears. “I love you but I don’t think we are ready for a life commitment and…” 

“I get it,” Doyoung simply said as he held out his hand, “You can return the ring. I’ll handle the rest.” 

Taeyong sighed, despair written in his face, and closed his eyes before lifting his hand. “I’ll keep it, because I truly want to be with you, just not now. Just… give me time, Doyoung.” 

Doyoung just nodded and Taeyong left after a sigh. He didn’t even try to kiss Doyoung goodbye like he used to. He just left the keys and closed the door behind him.

Doyoung wasn’t stupid; Taeyong didn’t plan on coming back. He allowed the shock and pain to crush upon him, realizing the implication of what Taeyong just did. He sat there, crying his heart out until he couldn’t shed another tear before calling Johnny.

His best friend Johnny was the only person he could think of. “Hey, Doyoung,” Johnny answered while Doyoung hadn’t even heard the phone tune yet. It usually made him smile but right then, he just sniffed crying. “Doyoung, you’re are crying?” 

“Can you come home to help me? I need help.” Doyoung cursed at how hoarse his voice was when he spoke. “I’ll explain everything to you, just come to my place.” 

“Give me a thirty,” Johnny said before ending the call right then. Doyoung looked at the phone, noticing how late the time was. It was nearly two in the morning and Taeyong left by ten pm. It meant he cried for six long hours. 

It surprised him but didn’t stop more tears from flooding his cheeks again. He tried to wash his face off, trying to be decent when Johnny would be here, but the mere sight of Taeyong’s forgotten toothbrush made him cry a river again. He was still crying when Johnny knocked on his door. 

“Doyoung,” Johnny started only for Doyoung to just rest his face on his best friend’s chest. Johnny said nothing, pushing them inside and closing the door. He didn’t push Doyoung away until they were both sitting on the sofa. Johnny looked around, confused, but didn’t ask. “Do you want to drink something? You look quite thirsty,” he said instead before lifting his hand that held a bag of beers, “I got beers.” 

Doyoung chuckled in shock but soon cried. “He left me,” he whimpered, “Aand I don’t get the why he would. Our wedding is in two weeks and he left me, hyung. I don’t get it.” 

Johnny didn’t say anything. He pulled Doyoung close into a hug and kept him there close until Doyoung stopped crying eventually. “Come sleep in my place,” Johnny offered, “I doubt you will be able to sleep here. I have some of your things at home anyway.” He stood without waiting for Doyoung’s answer and pulled him up. “Come,” he said as he picked Doyoung’s wallet, phone, and keys. Doyoung noticed how easy it was for Johnny to find them but didn’t push the thought further. 

He allowed Johnny to take him out of that place. Sitting by Johnny’s side in the car, Doyoung looked at the darkness outside, lifeless. “I am sorry I called you so late,” Doyoung said as the world ran in front of his eyes. 

“Doyoung,” Johnny spoke rather seriously, “I know you. We had been friends for over ten years now so no need to apologize or thank me for anything. I’m here for you.” 

Doyoung knew that and as much as it made him feel guilty to abuse Johnny’s care, he was happy he had such a friend. “Do you think we can find some spicy rice cakes now?” He asked instead.

“I got some at home,” Johnny admitted before chuckling, “I’ve been craving some for a while.” Doyoung looked at him with a frown. He and Johnny had one thing in common: they ate spicy rice cakes when they were sad or heartbroken. 

“Are you okay?” Doyoung asked him. 

Johnny nodded, smiling. “Yeah, deadlines. I am kind of unsatisfied with my job lately too, but I’ll be okay. I may even take a break and try to find my spirit.” Johnny was a web designer freelancer, which gave him space and time for everything in his life but still stressed him immensely. 

“You can recover from a block, Hyung,” Doyoung said with a reassuring tone, “Just don’t stress yourself out because of it.” 

Johnny nodded, smiling, and focused on driving. His place was a mess but Doyoung didn’t mind. He grew used to a Johnny-messy place. He simply pushed the magazines aside before sitting down on the sofa while Johnny picked a plate of spicy rice cake, a huge one on top of that, and put it in the microwave. The size of the plate made Doyoung worry that Johnny was suffering without him knowing. 

He worried he had missed so much by focusing on a wedding that wouldn’t happen. The mere thought brought tears to his eyes. “Wait until we have our spicy rice cake!” Johnny whined from where he was and Doyoung laughed wetly. It made Johnny smile, slightly and he looked at the microwave until the dish was done being heated. It was burning hot but perfect with the beers he set aside on the table. He sat down, facing Doyoung who started eating. 

The spice was enough to make Doyoung cry which he did. He cried while eating until he noticed that Johnny didn’t touch the plate. The taller just sipped the beer and observed him silently. “Won’t you eat?” He asked his friend, gasping for air. 

“It’s for you, Doyoung. You can eat as much as you want,” Johnny assured.

Doyoung shook his head and offered the food to Johnny who took the bite and said nothing. Doyoung noticed how Johnny seemed heartbroken as he kept on chewing. “Why are you hurt?” 

“Why did he leave you? What was the issue?” Johnny asked back and Doyoung looked away. “Do you want me to help you cancel your appointments?” 

“Yeah,” Doyoung said as he sniffed, “I need to cancel everything. I doubt however I’ll be able to cancel our honeymoon trip to Taiwan. I read the policy before I signed up for the guided trip.” 

“That’s okay,” Johnny assured, “You can use that trip to heal, Doyoung. I heard it’s for two weeks, so it’s enough long enough for you to at least recover from the denial.” 

Doyoung frowned. “To be honest, I don’t think I’m going through denial. Taeyong left his keys behind. He isn’t coming back. He didn’t love me enough to marry me and I was stupid to think he was just stressed or nervous by it like I was.” 

“You aren’t stupid, Doyoung,” Johnny spoke darkly, “You were in love.” 

“Love is stupid,” Doyoung countered. “I gave my all to someone who left me as soon as he could, Love is surely stupid.” Johnny said nothing for a while, avoiding Doyoung’s eyes so the latter asked, “Will you join me for Taiwan’s trip? I don’t want to go alone.” 

“If you want me there, I’ll go with you,” Johnny said simply and Doyoung nodded, firmly. “Let’s sleep now. You have a job at seven tomorrow and I have a deadline,” Johnny said as he stood, “Let’s cuddle?” 

It wasn’t a question. Doyoung knew Johnny wanted to comfort him as silently as possible so he nodded, holding Johnny’s hand and following his best friend to bed. It wasn’t uncommon. One of the main fights Taeyong had with Doyoung in the early days of their relationship was about him and Johnny being super comfortable around each other, cuddling included. 

Doyoung had always thought that he did fit into Johnny’s arms like a missing piece of a puzzle. It was what he loved about cuddling Johnny the most. His best friend was a loving man and gifted hugs and cuddles with abundance. Taeil and Jungwoo were also benefactors of Johnny’s cuddles so it didn’t look like it was a Doyoung exclusive treatment but Doyoung couldn’t help but remember how Taeyong hated it at first. 

Doyoung changed many things for Taeyong’s sake and as sleep settled in, he hated himself for it. Johnny woke him up and helped him head home, dressing up and eating breakfast. Doyoung didn’t feel like living that day but Johnny promised he would cancel his reservation for the ballroom and the invitation card so Doyoung had to only cancel the reservation he made with the wedding planner for the cake testing and flowers and most of the details. 

It took him a week to end everything but his Taiwan’s reservations. Of course, he asked for a name change but he didn’t change the rest. “I don’t think they will change our room arrangement,” Doyoung told Johnny as he helped the man to pack for the trip.

“It’s okay. It only means we will cuddle for two weeks,” Johnny said with a large grin. Doyoung rolled his eyes at that but said nothing. He didn’t feel like being joyful yet. 

“Will you be fine without working for two weeks?” He asked Johnny again.

“I have sources of passive incomes, I’ll be fine,” Johnny assured, “I don’t live off my freelance job only, Doyoung. Have a little more faith in me.” 

Doyoung sighed. “Sorry, I am just worried,” he mumbled only for Johnny to wrap him in a hug.

“I was teasing you. I will be fine, Doyoung, don’t worry about me taking a break for two weeks. I planned to go to Chicago for a month before you offered me to join you,” Johnny admitted. “I lost inspiration and I am suffering a serious issue of creativity block, I need this trip too. I also want to spend time with my sweet and adorable Doyoung-ie! Don’t worry at all, okay?” 

Doyoung smiled and nodded which made Johnny look happier. They finished packing and spent the following days just helping Doyoung clean his house from Taeyong’s traces. They packed Taeyong’s belongings which the man didn’t take with him so that Doyoung would return to something new. Jungwoo offered to redecorate the house in two weeks, even if it just meant to change the bedsheets, the photo frames, the entire kitchen aesthetic. 

His friends were ready to help him move on and it made his heart feel at ease. By the second he was in the airport, Doyoung realized he felt much better. He was still heartbroken but he didn’t feel alone. “Ready?” He nodded to Johnny who held his hand as they rushed through the busy space. 

The trip didn’t take long and Doyoung didn’t actually notice as Johnny was excited and they kept talking about things they needed to try. He was all smiles when they met the guide who seemed to appreciate their closeness. 

The first day was full of colours, Doyoung’s camera was full before he could finish the day. “I doubt my laptop would carry all this,” Doyoung complained as they got their couple bed. Johnny walked out of the bathroom, topless and Doyoung fast looked away.

“I have an empty external Hard Drive in my computer bag,” Johnny said as he picked a shirt to wear. “It should be able to save our two weeks worth of memories.” Doyoung smiled happily at that. “I love the fact you are enjoying the trip and we just had our first evening in Taiwan. We didn’t see anything yet and here you are smiling widely.” 

Doyoung chuckled. “Taeyong knew I would love it, he insisted on the guided trip,” Doyoung said as his smile fell. Johnny sat by his side and patted on his back. Doyoung sighed as Johnny massaged his shoulders. “He didn’t try to call or contact me, you know. I wonder if he ever cared about how I am dealing with all this.” 

“Maybe he is trying to give you space,” Johnny said. “If I was him, I wouldn’t call you until a month at least passed.” 

“If you were my future husband, I doubt you would abandon me two weeks before the wedding,” Doyoung commented as he looked into Johnny’s eyes. “You won’t hurt me this way, Johnny.”

Johnny’s eyes got teary instantly. Doyoung could see the subtlety hidden pain in his eyes before Johnny kissed his head. “Let’s rest,” he simply said, laying down. He opened his arms for Doyoung who made himself small in his hold. Doyoung smiled as he nuzzled into Johnny’s chest before he noticed that Johnny didn’t seem to relax. 

“Are you okay?” Doyoung sat up and looked into Johnny’s eyes yet again. “You don’t seem fine,” Doyoung commented worriedly and Johnny smiled as he observed Doyoung’s face. He pushed Doyoung’s hair away before nodding. “Why aren’t you fine?” 

“I am just… I am worried about you, Doyoung,” Johnny said as he observed Doyoung. “You and I drifted apart for a while, you know, and I worried the entire time that our friendship would never be back the way it was.” 

Doyoung nodded. “I noticed,” Doyoung curled into Johnny as he spoke. “I hated myself for changing so many things between us just so I can be with him.” They said nothing for a while, swallowing the pain, and Doyoung said, “I am sorry, Hyung. I am sorry I bargained with our friendship.” 

“It’s okay,” Johnny assured and hugged Doyoung tightly. “As long as you are here, I am going to be fine. I am here for you, always.” 

Doyoung could tell Johnny dodged answering the real reason behind his pain which made him feel incredibly hurt as he held Johnny tighter. The man’s heartbeats lulled Doyoung to sleep eventually only to wake up the second Johnny moved. 

Doyoung stretched as he observed Johnny walk into the bathroom. “Goodmorning,” he said as he left the bed. 

Johnny peeked out of the bathroom and smiled. “Goodmorning, Doyoung-ie!” Johnny smiled bright and Doyoung wondered how true that smile was. They freshened up and got dressed up for their day’s program. 

Doyoung and Johnny were all giggles and smiles by Lunchtime. “We have a free evening,” Johnny said as he pointed at the brochure. “Can we take a walk in the market?” 

Doyoung nodded eagerly, his face stuffed with food. It made Johnny laugh, taking pictures of Doyoung which he shared online. In fact, he had tons of pictures online of Doyoung, which the latter was aware of but had no issue with it. 

Taeyong didn’t react despite following him and Johnny, it only proved him right about Taeyong completely giving up. Doyoung shook off his thoughts and finished his dish before he joined Johnny for the tour in the market. Johnny seemed like he could dispense money and he frowned, panicking at how Johnny bought almost everything he wanted. “I am okay,” Johnny assured, “Just buy whatever you want.” 

Doyoung shook his head but still got himself a few souvenirs. 

They returned on time to meet the guide who smiled at them. “Your second week is mostly free. As per usual, we try to give married couples more space to enjoy themselves.” Doyoung went crimson while Johnny made a comical reaction which made both Doyoung and the guide laugh. 

The first week ended on a happier note and they were given a beautiful room that faced the beach. Johnny seemed happy about the location while Doyoung felt weird about it. A week passed and Doyoung felt like he was indeed spending a real honeymoon with Johnny. It filled his chest with warmth to observe Johnny who sat in front of the water and observed the view. Doyoung smiled as he approached Johnny. “How do you like it?” 

“This place is amazing, Doyoung,” Johnny said with the widest grin. “I love it so much I am considering returning next year.” 

Doyoung laughed at that. “We can make it happen and this time, it won’t be guided. It was awkward how the guide looked at us the entire time,” he said with a teasing smile only to notice how Johnny’s smile shook a little. 

“Do you think we would be great as boyfriends if you dated me instead of Taeyong?” Johnny asked him before he changed his serious expression into a playful smile. “I mean, I am just asking. I always wondered how we would be if we weren’t besties.” 

Doyoung observed him, seriously. “I think I would be happy,” Doyoung said, “I think anyone dating you would be the happiest. I wonder why you never dated though?” 

Johnny smiled. “You are the only one who thinks I would make anyone happy, Doyoung. I tried to date but it didn’t work out,” Johnny said with a pointed look. “I am happy like this, you know. I am surrounded by people who love me and who I love the dearest. I have the job I worked hard to have. I am living fine.” 

Doyoung nodded and pulled Johnny so they could have dinner in the restaurant of the hotel. They enjoyed their time before returning to their room but Johnny went to the beach, standing under the moon as he observed the sea. Doyoung could tell Johnny wanted to be alone so he used that time to relax in the bathtub. It took Doyoung to leave the bathroom and look for Johnny to notice that actually someone was crying loud enough that it could be heard. 

Doyoung stood there in shock as he observed Johnny cry. Doyoung was sure that he was the only one in the entire beach. He rushed to dress up, hoping to be there for Johnny to hug, but Johnny was already inside the room when he was done wearing his shirt. “Johnny? Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, someone was crying creepily,” Johnny said as he walked toward the bathroom, “I thought it was you but I am not sure I would hear you if you were crying here.” Doyoung frowned. Johnny dodged it again and something screamed inside Doyoung to face Johnny about it. He heard the shower as he touched the knob and stepped back.

“Johnny,” he said, “I am craving for spicy food. Can I make us some instant spicy chicken noodles? I picked the hottest ones.” 

“Yeah, sure. Make me some with yours,” Johnny said through the door. It was everything Doyoung needed to know that Johnny was suffering and refused to let him know. He hoped that Johnny was just trying to push his pain later until Doyoung moved on from the entire wedding fiasco. 

As he made the spicy noodles, he truly prayed for it to be the reason why Johnny is secretive about his pain. The noodles were done and they sat on the table, eating. Johnny and he were a mess before they went through half of the noodles and Johnny laughed. “We look like we were at a funeral,” he commented, “So much snot and tears.” 

Doyoung laughed as he offered Johnny some napkins. He wiped his cheeks and nose before offering a small bottle of banana milk. Johnny accepted it and sipped softly until he was done with it, he looked at Doyoung before smiling fondly. Doyoung for once didn’t look away. “Let’s swim tomorrow.” 

“Sure, I’d love to swim all week. The water is so nice,” Johnny said dreamily. 

“Let’s have breakfast in the nearby village then we can pack some food and beers for our beach day,” Doyoung said and Johnny nodded. They finished their noodles and cleaned up before cuddling in bed. This time, Doyoung pulled Johnny to his embrace, Johnny’s nose buried into his neck. Johnny didn’t find it off but it still took him a while to relax, Doyoung didn’t sleep until he felt that Johnny slept as well, wondering why Johnny was struggling to open up to him. 

The next morning, they woke up super early, heading to the village on foot. The morning air was fresh and Johnny seemed in a better mood. Doyoung guessed he would ask Johnny later about what bothered him. They strolled in the village until they landed on a small restaurant already full of tourists. “Such a shame, there is no table for us,” Johnny commented.

“We will see if they have take out so we can sit somewhere nice and eat,” Doyoung suggested before holding Johnny’s hand and pulling him inside. He didn’t let go of Johnny’s hand even when he ordered and only when they had to pick their order that Doyoung realized one of his hands was unexpectedly warm. He looked at Johnny who paid before smiling at the man when their eyes met. “Let’s go to the shore?” 

“Sure,” Johnny could fit his bags one hand, Doyoung noticed but he still held a bag in each which was off but unexplainably so. He was glad Johnny was smiling at least. 

They were about to pass a man when they heard him sob. “Where the fuck did you go, Yuta?” The man sounded like he would cry anytime and Doyoung stopped. 

“Are you okay?” He asked and the man looked back at him. Doyoung could feel Johnny stand beside him so he looked at Johnny before looking at the surprised man. “I heard you and I thought you were looking for someone missing.” 

“Oh.” The man passed his hands on his cheeks, sniffing. “My best friend and I fought and he just ran off. I don’t know where he is, I’ve been looking for him all night.” 

“Where are you staying? Maybe he went to his hotel room,” Johnny suggested but the man just shook his head. 

“I called his ex just now and he said he didn’t come back yet,” The man explained, before running a shaken hand on his hair. Johnny soon shifted the bags to free his hand. 

“I’m Johnny Suh, this is my best friend Doyoung,” Johnny introduced them to the man who nodded.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Mark Lee,” the man spoke in English, which Johnny seemed happy for. Doyoung’s English wasn’t bad, he just couldn’t speak it properly but he had spent 10 years by Johnny’s side, he understood English despite how little he used it.

Johnny spent the next three minutes just talking about their background, how Mark was from Vancouver while he was from Chicago before he asked the man who seemed much relaxed. “Let’s eat first. I bet you didn’t rest.” Johnny offered, in Korean, “Doyoung and I were going to help you find your friend.” 

Mark nodded, quite hopeful and followed Johnny. Doyoung was upset but he didn’t let it show as they found a spot in the shore and they sat down to eat. “So what did you fight about? Maybe we can narrow down why he would go from that? Did you disagree with food or staying?” 

“We fought because his ex showed up just a day after I confessed to him,” Mark said bitterly, “He said he loved me but when Sicheng showed up, he literally…” Mark paused and tried to breathe evenly. “I kind of exploded on his face and broke both our friendship and whatever started between us.” 

“Why would he leave if he truly loved his ex?” Doyoung asked as he stuffed his face. “Why wouldn’t he instead just accept your words? After all, you think he still loves his ex.” 

“He ignored me, I don’t think it means anything else.” 

Doyoung looked up to meet Mark’s eyes and was about to scoff but he realized, if Taeyong returned, would he react any different from the said Yuta guy. “I guess I understand why he ignored you; I would be like him if my ex showed up now that I tried to move on.” Mark let out a shocked huff. “My ex just abandoned me two weeks before the wedding and despite how much I may love anyone, I’d want to know why. I’d want to know what I did wrong, I’d only focus on that. Breakups leave scars in our hearts, the more the ex meant for us in the past, the deeper the scar is and the stronger the pain is. He may be completely in love with you but his ex is also the one who can answer the undying question. What did I do wrong to be abandoned in the end?” 

He didn’t realize he was crying until Johnny dried his tears and he excused himself. Johnny and Mark remained where he left them when he returned. “I am sorry,” Mark apologized. “I wasn’t aware of how sensitive the situation was.” 

“No, don’t worry,” Doyoung said with a smile, despite how teary he was. “I came here to heal but honestly, no amount of time would be enough to heal my heart from the damage it got. I guess that’s the same for your friend, so maybe chill and try to talk to him again.” Mark nodded and picked his phone up. 

“I tried to call him countless of times but I guess I’ll just go back to our room and wait with his ex. I have no idea where he would go.” However as they walked to the hotel where Doyoung and Johnny were, they noticed a figure walking in the water. “Yuta? Yuta!” Mark didn’t even wait to check and the person turned by the time Mark just jumped into his arms; They toppled and fell fall but Mark didn’t let go. Johnny and Doyoung didn’t know what to do as they walked by the two who were crying into each other’s arms. 

They could hear the man’s words to Mark. “I am sorry I hurt you, Mark. I am sorry.” 

They walked away before they could hear more because that was personal and Doyoung didn’t want to hear more of it. Once in their room, the silence fell deep. “Are you okay, Doyoung?” Johnny asked eventually.

“I am not, but someday I will be.” Doyoung picked his swimming shorts and smiled at Johnny before walking in the bathroom. He changed, walking out topless only to find Johnny had done the same. Every inch of his body looked perfect and Doyoung felt suddenly incredibly warm. “Let’s swim and forget about the world!” He said with a fake joy before he ran out of the room. He looked at Johnny who walked after him and he chuckled before just running toward the water. 

He jumped in, submerged with the clear water and dived in a little before swimming to the surface. He realized Johnny was no longer in the beach and looked around when he felt hands around his waist, pulling him back. Suddenly, Johnny emerged from behind him and he chuckled at his surprised expression. “You thought I was a shark?” 

“No, I thought you were an idiot,” Doyoung countered only fore Johnny to laugh, allowing Doyoung to swim away. They swam plenty before hearing calls and noticing Mark waving at them. He didn’t seem sad as he took off his shirt and jumped in the water. 

Johnny laughed but Doyoung felt like his world became small and he couldn’t breathe in the confined space. Luckily, Mark didn’t seem to plan on staying by their side. “Thank you!” He yelled in joy, breathless, “Meeting you and talking to you is literally the best part of the trip! I can’t repay you for what you did for me.” 

“I guess this means that you and Yuta are fine,” Johnny commented. 

“Better than fine! I can’t explain how happy I am! I’m going to take you out for dinner, the two of you and you can’t say no!” Doyoung couldn’t help but chuckle at how happy Mark was. “I’ll swim back before my possessive friend gets any wrong ideas, but tonight, meet me by the beach, I’ll take you out.” They nodded and Mark swam back to the beach. 

“Lucky.” Johnny only whispered but Doyoung heard it loud and clear. He eyed Johnny who sank in the water and he did as much. The water was clear enough for him to see Johnny trying to remain underwater with an impassive expression. 

He approached Johnny and held his cheeks, their hair dancing with the water, before pulling him close. He rested Johnny’s head into his shoulder before feeling the man’s strong’s arms around him. They slowly made it to the surface but despite their gasps for air, they didn’t let go. 

Looking into each other’s eyes, Doyoung could feel that Johnny was in a turmoil and as he observed the man, he couldn’t help but be seized by the desire to kiss the man senseless. It was hard to remain impassive and he had to look away, fixing Johnny’s hair. They didn’t let go of each other per se but whatever tension was there, it disappeared.

Doyoung felt like he had to divert the situation away. “You know, I want to be honest with you, Johnny. I know you are hurt and suffering in silence and I don’t want you to. I want you to open up or at least to push your pain aside and just have great memories with me. We can both deal with the pain when we go back home. Right? We can talk about this then. Right now, You deserve to be happy as much as I do.” 

Johnny nodded. “I’ll try to postpone it until we leave.” 

“That’s what I’m doing. Focus on what makes you happy,” Doyoung said before smiling. “This is what I am doing right now. Focusing on every moment I’m with you because it makes me immensely happy.” 

Something flashed in Johnny’s eyes before he smiled brightly. Perhaps, it was the first time Johnny smiled sincerely. Doyoung didn’t understand at first but when they met Mark and Yuta later that evening, he realized what had just happened. 

Johnny was in love with him. 

It was the only explanation he could come up with. He couldn’t stop the long list of hints his brain picked up but didn’t understand. He tried to stop but as Mark’s expression morphed into the happiest expression it could be, he realized Johnny was the happiest when he said he was focused on being happy with him, focused on Johnny and nobody else. The dinner went on smoothly, Doyoung was silent but they didn’t seem to notice as Johnny was a chatterbox. Of course, Doyoung threw dips here and there but nothing that would show how busy his mind was. 

Once they left the couple for a night stroll, Doyoung felt Johnny hold his hand from the wrist and instead, he freed his hand so he could slide his fingers between Johnny’s and looked up to meet Johnny’s expression. He wasn’t an idiot and he knew how right he was right then.

He decided to keep it for himself, to just shower Johnny with as much affection he could offer, which didn’t feel like much since he didn’t love Johnny the way Johnny loved him… He guessed. He wasn’t sure about the extension of his affection for Johnny if he was honest with himself. 

The worst part of that was that Johnny was heartbroken for so long because of him and Doyoung realized that from the size of the rice cake plate Johnny heated for him the first night since Taeyong broke up with him. God knows for how many days did Johnny rely on spice food to cry his heart out. God knows how many nights did Johnny spend dealing with pain. 

Doyoung couldn’t even imagine it, so much it hurt to know he was the cause of Johnny’s pain the entire time and the man didn’t even say a word. Doyoung felt sad and he couldn’t sleep despite his tries. He slept as the big spoon so he could show support and care because he cared about Johnny enough to know. He requested that and Johnny was surprised but accepted. Johnny was big with broad shoulders but felt so vulnerable and small between Doyoung’s arms, now that he knew. 

He didn’t treat Johnny differently but paid more attention to his friend. Johnny looked the happiest when he did things for Doyoung which made Mark tease Johnny. They got close to Yuta and Mark during their week, promising to meet up in Seoul when Yuta and Mark are done with their “honeymoon”

They had packed to leave when Yuta and Mark came to say goodbye. Yuta hugged Doyoung a little longer and whispered, “Good Luck.” He didn’t know what it was for but he didn’t have time to think of it as they left the hotel ten hours before their flight. To reach the nearest airport took them three hours so they had to rush to board the plane on time. Johnny fussed about the details but didn’t seem eager to go home. Doyoung had an idea of why.

He could feel how stressed Johnny was on the plane so he pulled the man’s hand and held it. “Don’t worry, okay?” He said with a reassuring tone to which Johnny stiffly nodded. 

“I don’t feel like I’m ready to return to work just yet,” Johnny said after a moment. “I think I’ll take a few more days of breaks.” 

“Sure,” Doyoung reassured again. “You don’t have to pressure yourself, okay?” Johnny nodded as he leaned toward Doyoung and held the man close. Doyoung tried to comfort him the best he could as he knew Johnny wasn’t ready to face him too. 

They were happy to see Taeil and Jungwoo waiting for them with Doyoung’s mother. Doyoung cried in her arms a little, mostly because he missed her and he didn’t talk to her for a month. “I missed you so much, mom. I am so sorry that I didn’t see you in the past few weeks.” 

“It’s okay, Baby. I’m happy you spent some great time with Johnny,” she said before opening her arms to the tallest man. “Aw, I missed you too Johnny.” 

“I missed you so much auntie,” Johnny said, rather emotional. “I just saw you before leaving but it felt like years.” Doyoung’s mother laughed at Johnny’s words, holding his cheeks and cooing at him. Doyoung couldn’t help but smile at that the entire way to his home. 

Doyoung was at first amazed. His interior completely changed. Jungwoo made a great choice for colours, designs and even details. “How is it?” Jungwoo asked him worriedly. 

“I love it, Woo. Thank you,” Doyoung said before facing his friends, tears clear in his eyes. “It doesn’t look like how I left it but it still feels so _me_.” 

“I made sure it did,” Jungwoo said, holding Doyoung close. “I am happy you like it.” Doyoung allowed himself to shed a few tears in Jungwoo’s arms before looking up to Johnny. 

“Can you edit and print out the pictures? I want to replace the pictures I had around,” he said before looking at the empty canvas. “I want to remember that I healed enough to move on.” 

“Did you, though?” His mother asked him. “It hasn’t been that long since…”

Her pause was followed by nods. “I am still hurt, insulted, and crushed by how easy it was for him to abandon me but I’m not as overwhelmed by it as before.” 

“That’s great to hear,” his mother said with a smile. “It means you are truly on the right healing path.” 

“Besides,” Doyoung said before looking at Johnny who had right then got in the kitchen, to inspect the decor. “I’ve never been alone.”

Johnny and Jungwoo were chatting happily in the kitchen, as the latter was showing Johnny what he changed. Doyoung couldn’t help but smile in relief to see Johnny in high spirit despite his stiffness on the trip back. They made food and had fun for a while before they left Doyoung alone home. 

Doyoung was tempted to ask Johnny to stay but Jungwoo apparently did some cleaning in his place too and he needed to check his papers. Once alone, Doyoung felt suddenly cold. 

He couldn’t sleep despite how tired he was as thoughts assaulted his mind. He picked his phone, going onto getting into Taeyong’s Instagram. He scrolled through the feed, noticing how Taeyong didn’t share a single picture since he left. Doyoung too didn’t add pictures to his Instagram as Johnny’s IG was already full of his pictures. Doyoung sighed, despite how it irked him to ask Taeyong if he was ready to answer his questions. 

As he left the app, he closed his phone and lied there, looking at the ceiling. “Why did you leave, Taeyong? Why did you think what you were doing was for my good? I didn’t ask you to do anything for me... “ 

A wild expression ran in his mind. Did Taeyong know Johnny loved him? Was that why he left? He sat up and got in IG again, sending Taeyong a DM. “Call me whenever you can; we need to talk.” 

Taeyong didn’t answer even if it was clear he read the message and Doyoung felt rage fill his lungs. He typed furiously. “You knew, isn’t it? You knew the whole time and kept it from me.” 

“What did I know?” Taeyong answered him back. “That you were in love with your best friend the whole time?” 

“What? No, the fuck? Johnny is in love with me but I don't feel the same.” Doyoung didn’t know why it hurt to read his own message. 

“Don’t lie to yourself, Young. I know you and I know you well enough to say that you didn’t love me the way you loved him. I doubt you would have the strength to go anywhere if he left instead of me.” 

“If this is about the Taiwan trip, everybody wanted me to go, they even changed the interior of my house after you left. so much y You broke me, Taeyong. I still don’t understand how you could just leave.” 

“I did it because you refused to see what was on the open for everyone but you to see. You love Johnny and Johnny loves you. I can’t marry someone I am sure would regret his decision later.” 

“Fucker, you can’t make this about me! You can’t do things like that without talking to me first! Do you realize how many habits revolving around Johnny I changed for you? Do you realize how thin my relationship with Johnny became? Do you realize while he was crying because of me, I was crying because of you, crying for you to just tell me what I did wrong?” 

Taeyong didn’t reply and Doyoung realized he was sobbing.

“You know what? Fuck you. You didn’t consider me and only told me to stop the wedding when you were done packing and about to leave, I don’t see why I should consider your words. I packed your things so send Taeil hyung your address and he will deliver them to you. I don’t want to see your face.” 

“Doyoung, I am sorry.” 

“I am sorry too. If you think I’ll prove you wrong, don’t worry. I am going to accept Johnny’s love, maybe then I’ll stop my heart and mind from believing I was the one who made you leave, because, to be honest. You left because you wanted to, Johnny and I did nothing.” 

“I will accept Johnny’s love because I am scared of loving strangers only to be abandoned in the end, because of you.” 

“Doyoung, I am really sorry. I truly thought I did the right thing for us.” 

“Yeah. Exactly. You thought.” 

Doyoung blocked Taeyong immediately after his last message and left his phone on the bed before he packed his wallet and Keys. He was a wreck when he reached Johnny’s door. He was crying again but mostly because he was disappointed in himself. 

He was disappointed he had spent an entire month believing Taeyong left because he did something really wrong. He truly believed he was the one at fault hence why he didn’t try to stop Taeyong from leaving and why he didn’t open up to Johnny about it. He was scared to be a disappointment for Johnny as well. 

He knocked several times before Johnny opened the door. “Doyoung?” 

“Am I a disappointment to you?” Doyoung couldn’t stop himself from asking and Johnny just pulled him to a hug. “Am I stupid?” 

Johnny didn’t answer, pulling him inside and closing the door. He pulled Doyoung to the sofa, which was pristine clean. In fact, Doyoung noticed that the house was spotless and it made him cry harder. “Here,” Johnny handed him a cup of water and Doyoung drank it as he slowly calmed down. “Now that you are calm, can you explain what made you think you are a disappointment because you are completely wrong?” 

“I spoke to Taeyong,” Doyoung said and he noticed how Johnny’s smile fell. “I asked him if he left because of you but he said he left because he thought I was in love with you. He blamed me for the entire thing when he didn’t even talk to me about it. He said he didn’t want us to go through marriage I would eventually regret and that I’ll suffer more if it was you who left me.” 

Johnny looked at him in shock but said nothing for a while. “But do you? I mean, do you love me? or…” 

Doyoung was about to say no. He truly was but honestly, he could lie. “I don’t know, Johnny. Right now, all I feel is pain and disappointment. I truly spent the past weeks believing I was the reason he left, you know but in the end, he just made a decision without even talking to me. He didn’t consider my heart, Johnny, and it hurts.” Johnny nodded and pulled him to a hug. Doyoung sobbed a little before he forced himself to calm down. “I am sorry. I know I am hurting you too, but I have nobody else.” 

“It’s okay,” Johnny assured as he kept his hold into Doyoung. 

Doyoung could feel that it wasn’t and he whispered. “I know you are in love with me,” he announced and Johnny stiffened in his hold before he sat back. He looked at Doyoung briefly before looking away. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he said and was about to sit a little further back when Doyoung held his hand. 

“I knew for a while, Johnny and I didn’t push you before, did I?” Johnny shook his head and Doyoung added, “I know you must feel ashamed of it or uncomfortable with me knowing. I know you enough to know that you aren’t happy that I know.” 

“I don’t want you to push yourself into accepting it,” Johnny admitted. “I could live my life without you knowing.” 

“The amount of spicy food you had in your kitchen when I came that night says otherwise,” Doyoung approached Johnny. “You were suffering for so long and when I realized so, I hated myself a lot more. If anything, Taeyong was right about one thing, Johnny.” Johnny looked at him, with tears filled eyes, and Doyoung could feel his eyes get watery again. “I can’t live without you. I won’t be able to even leave my bed in the morning without the thought that I’ll eventually hear from you or see you.” 

Johnny’s tears ran warm in his cheeks as he looked away, his face twisting in pain. “Please don’t say more. I can’t…” 

“I am not going to hurt you anymore,” Doyoung said, drying the closest tear. “I accept your love, the way you want to give it to me, and I am ready to prove it to you.” He made Johnny look at him. “I may haven’t loved you as long as you loved me, that doesn’t mean I may not do it in the future. So don’t lose hope, okay?” 

Johnny pulled Doyoung into a hug, crying on his shoulder and whispered. “Please God. If this is a dream, don’t wake me up.” Doyoung chuckled but didn’t move, softly patting his head. Johnny took a moment to calm down and when he did, they both looked like a wreck. 

“Let’s have some cake,” Doyoung said with a smile. “I feel like I’m on the step of a new journey.” Johnny looked as happy as he was when he picked his own wallet, keys and phone. 

“Let’s go! It’s my treat,” Johnny said joyfully before opening the door only to find Taeyong standing behind it. Johnny’s face had already tears but his smile fell immediately. 

“I knew I’d find you here,” Taeyong said only for Doyoung to close the door on his face. Taeyong knocked while Doyoung leant on the door, tearing up. He looked to see Johnny’s serious expression, fresh tears running down his cheeks. 

“I said I don’t fucking want to see you ever again!” Doyoung yelled suddenly. “Isn’t it enough what you did to me? Why are you here? Fuck off!” 

“Please let us talk like adults,” Taeyoung’s voice rang outside and Johnny opened the door, holding into the man’s shirt before he could react. 

“Johnny, don’t! He is not worth it,” Doyoung said, holding Johnny’s hand. “Let’s go. You said you will treat me. Come on.” Doyoung looked at Taeyong who looked between them. “You didn’t perhaps get my memo; I don’t want to see you EVER again. I don’t want to breathe in the same space as you, Lee Taeyong. You made your choice and I hope you will learn someday to talk to your partners before making decisions that concern them. Let’s go, Johnny.” 

Doyoung yanked Johnny’s hand and pulled him away before they got in the elevator. “I…” 

“I don’t think we locked the door,” Doyoung cut him. “Is it okay?” 

“Yeah, I need to go back and close the door,” Johnny said and Doyoung shook his head. 

“Wait for me in the car, I’ll just end this,” Doyoung said with a sigh. “I don’t want him to show up again and ruin all my attempts to get back my sanity.” Johnny held him -serious, but Doyoung didn’t budge. “Please. Trust me on this one.” 

Johnny’s eyes roamed around as if he was trying to make sense of his thoughts and looked back at Doyoung. “I trust you but I can’t help it. I am terrified.” 

“Don’t be,” Doyoung said as the door opened and he pushed Johnny out. “Wait for me, okay?” He smiled reassuringly but as soon as the elevator’s door closed, Doyoung wobbled. He wanted to see Taeyong, he can’t deny that, but also he made his choice. He won’t be able to trust Taeyong even if they made up. It was over. 

He found Taeyong sitting by the open door, shedding tears. “Do… You are back.” 

“We forgot the door open,” he said before slamming the door shut. He walked to the wall facing Taeyong and stood there crossing his arms. “You broke us, you are aware of that, right? I didn’t ask you for anything, Taeyong Hyung, but you still did what you did.” 

“I thought I made the right choice!” Taeyong yelled it which made Doyoung flinch. “I thought that leaving was the only way to stop you from…” 

“From what? From whatever you believed? Do you think I’m that blind that I can’t see my own heart? Or perhaps did you truly believe I was ready to commit to you while being in love with someone else?” 

“No, I… I thought you dismissed your feelings for him as friendship and that someday you will realize it is not!” Taeyong spoke sincerely. “I thought if I stopped the wedding, you will go to him and you will find comfort with him and that you will move on…”

“You are right,” Doyoung coldly said, even if his heart raced. “The first person I called was Johnny. He picked me up and got me spicy rice cakes, a huge plate, and I kept on eating it until I couldn’t shed a single tear. He cuddled me that night and I wished I could just stop being in pain so I could ask him if he was okay because he wasn’t. I went to Taiwan on a non-refundable trip to heal from what you did. But I didn’t stop asking myself, not a single second, why you abandoned me so easily. I thought I was the one wrong, that I was flawed, that you couldn’t stay because I wasn’t enough. Honestly, now that I’m standing in front of you, it is hitting me in full force. You destroyed the little respect I had for myself.” 

“I didn’t mean for you to feel like this,” Taeyong stood as he spoke, holding Doyoung’s hands. “I wanted you to be happy.” 

“Did you think I’d be happy broken?” Doyoung pulled his hands away. “Even if Johnny and I loved each other and I was blind, you could have told me or spoke about it or asked me or made me realize it without… hurting me.” Taeyong looked down and Doyoung sniffed, gasping air to say before his sobs slipped from his lips. “It’s over between us, Taeyong. Whether you were right or wrong, it’s over, so please stop showing up. I can’t deal with more pain, what I am feeling right now is already overwhelming.” 

He ran off, taking the stairs, and walked into the parking lot where he found Johnny sitting in the car, shedding tears on his seat. Doyoung got in and closed the door before he allowed himself to breathe properly. “Doyoung, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, poking into fresh wounds hurt but I’ll be fine,” Doyoung said before turning toward Johnny. “Can you stay with me for a few days? I want cuddles and I want you to be around.” Johnny looked confused but still nodded, smiling a little. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it. I’ll take you to eat some grilled meat then we will pack a whole cake,” Johnny said as he dried his cheeks, a smile still plastered on his face. “We will cuddle in the living room and watch action movies. Sounds good?” 

Doyoung knew what Johnny was trying to do and he couldn’t stop himself from being at awe because, despite his own pain, Johnny was still looking after him. “Sounds perfect.” 

They had a long day out and only went home after Midnight. “I’ll suffer in the morning. I gotta wake up at Six to take the train.” 

“I’ll drive you to work, just rest,” Johnny said as he pulled Doyoung to bed and made the man curl between his arms. “Good night.” 

“Good night, Johnny.” Doyoung registered how Johnny’s heart raced as he slept. 

The days went on and another month passed. Doyoung had episodes in which all he wanted was cuddles and bowls of spicy rice cakes. He couldn’t describe the emotional pain he was going through because it was nothing a physical pain could be compared to. It was hard to escape the way people treated him as he was made of glass, which only reminded him that he was abandoned two weeks before the wedding. Johnny’s support gave him great strength daily but the man couldn’t protect Doyoung from the waves of self-doubt and self-hatred that hit him, crushing his soul over and over. 

Another month passed and Doyoung could feel less and less overwhelmed by his emotions so he decided to take Johnny on a date. Johnny had slowly made a small space for himself in Doyoung’s house so when he went home, Johnny was cooking. “Oh, done with your deadlines?” 

“No, I am taking a small break. I’m cooking some stew!” Johnny said cheerfully. Doyoung smiled and nodded. 

“I’ll freshen up and come help you.”

Standing in front of the shower, he smiled at the sight of Johnny’s shampoo, which didn’t suit his hair but he still used it from time to time. It was an odd thing to smile at but it did still make him smile to see Johnny’s things in the middle of his. 

He also smiled at Johnny’s electric toothbrush, a black and gold one he gifted him. He kept on smiling when he noticed Johnny’s cologne on the towel he was using. He kept on smiling until he faced Johnny’s back. “Oh, you are done?” 

“Yes.” Doyoung peeked to know that Johnny was simply stirring so he hugged Johnny tighter, resting his cheek into Johnny’s back and said loud and clear. “I want to take you on a date.” 

Johnny paused before he held Doyoung’s hands, forcing him to break the hug and step back. Johnny looked at him, shocked and hopeful. “A date? As a bro date?” 

“No, as in a  _ will you be my boyfriend _ date.” Johnny turned away, holding into the counter and Doyoung felt panic fill him up. “Johnny?” 

“Hmm,” Johnny said eventually only for Doyoung to realize Johnny was trying not to cry. “I’d love to go on a date.” 

“Great then, soon-to-be boyfriend! Let me know once you are done with your deadline and I’ll make it happen.” Doyoung said, holding into Johnny’s hand. 

The man nodded, despite his tears, before he broke into a wet chuckle when he noticed Doyoung’s expecting eyes. He nodded before saying. “The stew is ready.” 

Doyoung helped him set the table and sat down as Johnny excused himself to wash up. It made him happy that Johnny was overwhelmed with joy that he cried because it erased the fear of losing Johnny’s love for him. Johnny’s sparkling eyes and explosive humour during their dinner only proved his fears incredibly wrong. 

Johnny was in love with him and he was planning to match that love someday.


End file.
